I love you, anyway.

If only you were as concerned for us as we were for you,
as disconcerted, broken hearted, back bent and embittered.
If only your ears were opened and your heart softened
Like clay being wedged until it is warmed and
without a hidden pocket

 Here
    Or there.

 I try to smile, to engage the muscles in this face that's half-yours.
If I could just widen my mouth and show my teeth
That once wore braces
That you half-paid for.

 I try to smile, but inside I am writhing.
 Maybe I am curled up on the floor sobbing, maybe I am cursing conversations,
Or shouting fragments of unwritten poems,

All the while I am entertaining company - 
Changing Maia's t-shirt with sing song narration -
Dressing Levi while chasing him through the dining room -
Urging Ashland to use his reading room, because of you -

 I remember now.

There is only so much you can do
With a knot in your throat.
All our declarations come out stuttered
Our assurances barely uttered,
Under the weight of a stretching Colorado skyline,
and your determined blissful ignorance.